Is Being Single A Curse?

Whenever I was in secondary school, I desperately wanted a girlfriend, but always struggled to get one. I had some girls that were interested in me, but they were not friendly people. One of the girls told me flat out she wanted to have sex with me on the first date after she found out that I was a virgin. That, of course, was scary to me that she was that forward and because sex outside of marriage is a sin (1 Corinthians 7:1-2 ). After finishing high school, I had the privilege to go to university, and I was confident that I would find a girlfriend because 60% of the campus was female. I felt sure that I could find a girlfriend on campus. I was successful going on a couple of dates with some ladies, but nothing quite worked out. I was very discouraged. 

However, reflecting on these times, why was I so discouraged about not having a girlfriend? I was a Christian while I was in secondary school and even in university, but sadly just being in Christ was not enough for me. Why was Jesus not enough for me? I believe that I had bought into the lie that someone was wrong with me being single. I believed that I was incomplete because I did not have the “one.” I had made an idol of romance, marriage, and even sex. 

Romance, Marriage, & Sex Are Compelling

However, I do want to be honest that romance, marriage, and sex are compelling and attracting. We have such a draw for those things in our lives. Naturally, God wants us to be with other people; otherwise, he would have never told Adam and Eve to be fruitful and fill the earth (Genesis 1:28). Now when I say other people I don’t mean that you have to get married or be dating otherwise you’re disobeying the natural order of God. I am saying that we want to have other people in our lives naturally. We want family, friends, and most want to get married. But, have we made this gift of romance, marriage, and sex such an idol in our lives? We have lifted these gifts to be more attractive than the giver itself. 

Many of us have believed that being single is a curse. We feel that we must get married and that God is holding this blessing back from us. We have prayed, fasted, and spoken loud prayers in the night with our desires for romance, marriage, and sex. Whenever God does not answer these prayers in the way that we want, we feel that we are cursed. However, are you cursed? Consider all of the things that God has done for you, assuming you’re a Christian. God, in His mercy, has saved you from an eternal hell by sending his son Jesus to die on the cross (1 Peter 1:3, Romans 5:9-11). Remember that hell is eternal and is a place of horrible suffering, and it is a place that we all deserve due to our sin (Ephesians 2:1-3, Matthew 25:46, 2 Thessalonians 1:9). 

God Is A Superior Treasure

You deserve torment, but instead, you receive an incredible treasure, God himself (1 Peter 3:18, John 14:6, Psalm 16:11). Maybe you’re reading this and thinking well yeah it is nice to have God, but romance, marriage, and sex would be great too. Consider further that this treasure we’re getting. God is excellent (Isaiah 25:1), never changing (Psalm 33:11), sovereign (Daniel 4:35), faithful (Isaiah 49:7), glorious (Deuteronomy 28:58), great (Nehemiah 9:35), holy (Psalm 22:3), just (Isaiah 45:21), patient (Isaiah 30:18), loving (2 Corinthians 13:11), merciful (Exodus 35:6-7), powerful (Psalm 62:11), protects believers (Psalm 37:28, Psalm 91:3-4, Psalm 140:7), righteous (Psalm 7:9), truthful (Isaiah 65:16), and wise (1 Samuel 2:3, Job 9:4). With God, these qualities are in their full measure all of the time. God never goes on holiday from these qualities. That is so much more than any human being could give you through romance, marriage, or sex. 

We need to stop looking at singleness as a curse because we have a God that is better than anything else we could receive from any person. It is like someone who has three Toyota Prados, three lovely Mercedes Benz and believes that they must have an old rusty bicycle that is missing a wheel to get around town with sufficiently. Stating this is not to diminish the blessing of romance, marriage, and sex, but we’re magnifying the Lord. There is a physical and emotional pleasure to be had in life through romance, marriage, and sex, but what faith in Christ offers us is so much better. This is a message that you need to believe and that the world needs to hear. To have a relationship with God is like someone who sold everything that he had to gain a greater treasure (Matthew 13:44). He is better than anything else you could get in this life. 

Show The World Our Treasure

We, as the church, need to show the world that we have a superior treasure in God through Jesus Christ than romance, marriage, and sex could ever provide. Singleness in Christ testifies to the sufficiency of God in a world that glorifies the “one.” It is easy for us to look like hypocrites by clicking our tongues at those who chase after the “one,” when we are thinking about it and desiring it above our God. Stop believing that you’re incomplete until you’re married. Stop listening to those that tell you are. If you have been saved, you have a better treasure, and that is how you should view your life. Your life outlook needs to be if I have married, I have a great treasure in God, and if I don’t get married, I still have a great treasure in God. No matter what your relationship status is, you have a great treasure, and that is what the world needs to see and hear. 

As a youth, I repeatedly heard that if you’re good, then God will reward you whenever you’re married with incredible sex and romance forever. That makes God look like a liar whenever you’ve been good, but are not married, struggling with sex in marriage, feeling lonelier in marriage than when you were single, or struggling in marriage in general. Whenever we lie about God, it hurts ourselves and others. We need to say that salvation and what comes with it is ultimate. God is superior to romance, marriage, and sex. Stop believing and communicating that singleness is a curse. 

Resources for writing this blog:

  1. Happy Hour Podcast with Rachel Gilson

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1 thought on “Is Being Single A Curse?”

  1. Well for a man like me that really wanted to get married and have a family which i will say that it is definitely a very bad Curse for me, and to see so many others that have their lives very much complete which really hurts me even more. Didn’t God say that man should not be alone? And unfortunately the kind of women that are out there these days just makes it worse altogether. Most women in the old days were the best of all, compared to the ones out there today that are making love very hard to find now.

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