Have you ever reached a point where the darkness feels extreme? Where life brings so much pain and heartache that you wonder if there’s any meaning left? I have been there.
We have all walked through heartaches and disappointments, sometimes at the hands of those closest to us. We all know the pain of betrayal, gossip, and separation from family and friends. As you read this, maybe you are completely broke and are deep in debt. Maybe you just lost a job. Maybe you are a student trying your best, but you just can’t excel in your studies, and your grades are disappointing.
Or maybe the grief is suffocating you completely. You have lost a daughter, a son, a mother, a father, or a best friend, and life seems impossible without them. Or maybe you are battling a secret addiction that you hate but can’t seem to stop. Maybe you have just acquired a disability, or you are fighting a chronic illness, and you are tired of being in pain and taking medication every single day. We see this in the Bible, too. At some point, Moses felt so overwhelmed by the burden of leadership for the Israelites. He told God, “If this is how you are going to treat me, please go ahead and kill me right now” (Numbers 11:15 NIV). Elijah, one of the mighty prophets, had had enough and gave up living, telling God, “I have had enough, Lord. Take my life.” (1 Kings 19:4)
Combo Strikes: No Room to Breathe
Sometimes, the storms don’t come one by one. Satan seems to have perfected the art of combo strikes. He does not wait for you to catch your breath or regain your footing. He strikes repeatedly at your weakest until you are destroyed and unable to do anything. He did that to Job (Job 1:13-22), who lost everything in a single day. That was my reality. Mine was not as tragic as Job’s, but the “combos” timing was similar, throwing different trials my way all at once.
I found myself in a place where life felt unbearable. I was battling a lot simultaneously. I had been in extreme stress situations for months and had gone through severe trauma. I faced the death of my son and the death of very close family members and friends all around the same time. I had just lost my job, and then I became sick for a long time. To make matters worse, I was put on strong Corticosteroids. I didn’t know it then, but the heavy medication I needed for my physical body was actually causing depression or worsening it (if previous traumas and situations caused it).
The Lie About Mental Health
I was going through depression, and it was evident, but I told myself I could not be going through depression. The irony is, I know a lot about mental health. I know the signs and symptoms. I have been in many mental health forums, but I still fell for the lie. I told myself that if I just prayed harder and read my Bible more, I would not need medicine or therapy. I thought spiritual discipline was the only cure. That belief almost cost me my life.
There is a dangerous belief in our churches, especially among those of us who love theology and hold a high view of God’s sovereignty and his attributes. We secretly believe that mental illness is for “people of the world,” or it is just a modern trend where everyone says they have depression or are suffering from mental health issues. For a long time, I denied the reality and did not want to acknowledge the diagnosis, even though doctors and therapists told me otherwise.
Dismantling the Lie
That was a dangerous lie. It is the same dangerous logic that tells sick people to leave hospitals and go to crusades, churches, or secluded forests to be prayed for, ignoring the medical help God has provided.
Supposing someone had blood cancer and their bone marrow could not produce sufficient amounts of healthy, functional blood cells, would we conclude they are not praying enough? Would we accuse them of lacking faith in God? I bet not. So why do we treat the brain as if it were not a body organ? Like any other body organ, the brain can change due to biological issues, psychological factors, social and environmental stress, or medication, causing it to be depressed.
I learned this the hard way. The Corticosteroids I was taking for my physical illness were messing with my brain chemistry. They were depleting the neurotransmitters (like serotonin), which directly caused my depression to worsen.
Christians Can Suffer from Depression
We must understand this truth: depression can affect, and it does affect Christians, too. If you still think depression is a sign of weak faith, you need to study church history. Charles Spurgeon, considered the greatest preacher of the 19th century, preached to millions of people, and thousands were saved; he also founded a college and wrote extensive theological material, yet he suffered from severe depression. Another example is C.S. Lewis. When his wife (Joy Davidman) died of cancer, he fell into deep grief and depression, and he even wrote a book about it called A Grief Observed.
Overcoming Depression
God can heal depression miraculously, but he often chooses to heal through doctors, therapists, and medication. If you are reading this and you suspect you are going through depression, do not let your ego or a lie stop you from getting help. Immediately seek counseling and medical advice, and most importantly, continue to pray and read the Word. You are not alone. God can never leave you, and nothing can separate you from his love (Romans 8:38-39), even depression. I was standing on the edge of a cliff, almost giving up, but God gave me hope. You can overcome this battle of depression, just as I did. Hang in there!