Emotional well-being is a critical part of our lives as humans. Our emotions heavily affect our minds and the spiritual and physical aspects of our lives. Many people, especially men, have grown up being cautioned against expressing themselves emotionally, since, as some allege, it doesn’t look manly. Some preachers have also falsely encouraged Christians to only welcome what is joyful and avoid negative feelings. However, we are to remain joyful even when having negative feelings or suffering.
Emotions are feelings experienced in response to happenings around us. Our emotions are a means for our bodies to communicate with us. Emotions tell us that something must be done to respond to a bad or good thing. For example, losing a loved one, having a birthday or wedding event, having a breakup, etc., may elicit certain feelings in us. Human emotions, either positive or negative, are subject to change due to present circumstances and even heart posture. However, when negative emotions persist, one must seek counsel.
Emotions and the Human Conscience
We must also note that God created us in such a manner that when we sin, we feel guilty thanks to the human conscience (Romans 2:15-16). Our conscience calls us to repent or correct a wrong we have done. We can also sear our conscience when we opt to continue living against our convictions despite the constant nudgings by our conscience to change our ways (1 Timothy 4:2). In his wisdom, God placed in us the negative yet helpful emotions due to our consciences so that we can walk in obedience. To keep a clear and God-glorifying conscience, you must constantly recalibrate your conscience with the help of God’s word and learn to respond accordingly to its nudgings (1 Peter 3:16-22; Acts 24:16).
On the other hand, habitual defiance of the conscience can weaken its function. This can be dangerous for a Christian since one may stop reading the Bible, avoid the fellowship of believers or even be given over to sin which could eventually lead to God’s judgment (1 Corinthians 11:31-32; Romans 2:15). The only way to alleviate the guilt of sin is through repentance and constantly working out our salvation with fear and trembling (1 John 1:8-9, Philippians 2:12).
Biblical Position of Emotions
The Bible portrays both God and human beings as having emotions. We can see in the scriptures God expresses various emotions, for example, anger (Psalm 7:11, Deuteronomy 9:22), Compassion (Psalm 135:14, Judges 2:18), grief (Genesis 6:6, Psalm 78:40), Love (1 John 4:8, John 3:16), jealousy (Exodus 20:5, Joshua 24:19), Joy (Zephaniah 3:17, Isaiah 62:5) and even hate (Proverbs 6:16, Psalm 5:5, 11:5). Since we, humans, were created in God’s image and likeness, we were also granted the gift of emotions. Human emotions help us react to and cope with various situations. While emotions are quoted in the scriptures to be part of the human experience, Christians are cautioned on how to respond to them (James 1:20, Matthew 5:21-26). Our response to emotions can reflect a lot about our heart posture. Are we defiant or submitted to the will of God?
Emotional Intelligence From the Scriptures
Emotional intelligence refers to the ability to understand, interpret, and respond to our emotions and those of others. From a biblical perspective, emotional intelligence can be summed up as the ability to interpret our emotions according to what God demands of us and respond to them in a God-glorifying manner. Christian emotional intelligence focuses on the following four areas.
- Self-awareness in relation to emotional intelligence deals with recognizing our emotional triggers and how they affect our thoughts and actions. Regarding this, examine if your emotions are inclined towards godly thoughts and godly behaviour or vice versa. In Ephesians 4:26, for example, the Bible says we should be angry but not sin. In other words, emotions are acknowledged in scripture and not rebuked, whether positive or negative. God demands that we cultivate thoughts in the pattern of Philippians 4:8 and actions that glorify him (Ephesians 4:32-5:1-2).
- Self-management: This is whereby we can respond to our emotions by leading them rather than allowing them to lead us. Good feelings can make us act impulsively, affecting our lives and the lives of others. Bad feelings, on the other hand, can also mislead us into taking impulsive negative actions. Leading our emotions means always taking time before responding and doing God’s will, regardless of how we feel. For example, in Luke 9:51-56, Jesus’ responses to the sons of Thunder exhibit self-restraint. He rebuked James and John for their haste to act on their emotions.
- Social awareness deals with understanding the emotions, needs, and concerns of others. Biblically, we are called to go beyond self and think of the welfare of others before our own (Philippians 2:3-4). We must appreciate that no one reacts without cause. Some triggers make people respond the way they do. Seeking to consider people’s feelings and thoughts is a skill we need to grow in; a splendid way of loving our neighbours as ourselves (Mark 12:30-31). Social awareness helps us be empathetic. With this foundation, it will be easy for us to be patient and kind to one another.
- Relationship management highlights the ability to employ personal emotional awareness and that of others to manage relationships. If well-mustered, this skill can help one effectively influence, coach, mentor, and even address conflicts. In life, we will meet people going through different situations, and we must interact with all of them respectfully and with empathy. David, for example, received four hundred men in debt, distressed, and discontented (1 Samuel 22:1-2). By God’s wisdom and grace, David raised great warriors from these men who were loyal to him and were even ready to die for him (2 Samuel 23:1-14).
Need for Emotional Intelligence
Undeniably, emotional intelligence (EI) is very critical in our lives. Lack of it will injure relationships and even lead to self-sabotage. Growing emotional intelligence, on the other hand, will ensure a productive life even amid challenging situations. Here are some more reasons why we must all grow in EI.
First, Emotional intelligence ensures we can give and receive feedback graciously to and from others. Some people exhibit great difficulty receiving negative feedback. They quickly assume evil intentions on the other party when being rebuked lovingly. Growing your EI becomes essential when dealing with such individuals.
Secondly, when under tremendous pressure to meet deadlines in work environments, it is easy to become irritated and hence overreact to others. Being aware of your emotions can help you to respond to others wisely, allowing yourself to focus without ruining your relationship with your workmates. Christian emotional intelligence will be conscious of God’s desires, and our speech will be seasoned with grace (Colossians 4:6), even under pressure.
Thirdly, we are living in times when relationships can be complex. Various forms of abuse have been the order of the day. Individuals ought to know how to manage their emotions, not blame themselves, and hence suffer from false guilt. Knowing what is happening within will be easier when one has robust self-awareness and emotional intelligence, especially during such times.
Fourthly, change is inevitable in life. We sometimes lose jobs, get sick, lose a caregiver, get children, marry, etc. All these events will have an emotional impact. How do we navigate such changes if we are ignorant of our emotions? It is easy to respond to change in a damaging way when we are unaware of our emotional triggers. Resting our lives in the Lord will always give us hope even in difficult times (1 Peter 1:3-6).
In summary, considering the benefits of emotional intelligence, we must intentionally focus on developing this helpful trait to have better productivity in life and thriving relationships.