Today, marriage and everything that pertains to it is influenced by different perspectives. We see marriage through the lens of culture, societal trends, economics, romance, pragmatism, and everything else with little to no scriptural influence. Marriage is barely seen as what it truly is; a covenant relationship established by God. Thus, most people don’t seek to learn how God intends marriage to look. This is especially highlighted when one considers the roles of the wife and the husband.
On the one hand, feminists claim to fight for and advance a healthy woman in marriage. On the other hand, the blue pill and red pill masculinity movements also claim to do the same for men. The world is seeking to advance a worldview. Most Christians,sadly, have conformed to worldly views on marriage instead of searching the scriptures and God’s will for marriage.
To understand the role of a wife in marriage, we should look to the original framework in which the role was initiated. Marriage is not something man came up with; God is the One who instituted marriage. God authored marriage as a solution to man’s aloneness. Marriage existed before sin entered the world (Genesis 1:27, 2:18-24). God, in his mercy, allows men to enjoy the blessing of marriage even with the presence of sin. Rob Green rightly states, “Even when sin entered the world, the blessing of marriage remained.” On the same note, both man and woman had roles God designed for them in marriage. In this article, we explore the roles of a wife given to her by the Author of marriage.
Help
Then the Lord God said, “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him.”
Genesis 2:18
Paul, in 1 Corinthians 11:9, reminds us what we learn in Genesis 2:18: Man was not created for woman, but woman was made for man. Man was not lonely; he had communion with God. Man’s problem was that he was alone. In Genesis 2:19, God brings every beast of the ground and every bird of the heavens for man to name them. And verse 20 says, “The man gave names to all livestock and to the birds of the heavens and to every beast of the field. But for Adam there was not found a helper fit for him.” No animal was suitable for him. He needed help like him. The phrase “helper fit for him” comes from the Hebrew translation ‘ezer kenegdo’, which means ‘a helper like him’ or ‘worthy of him.’ Remember the command given to man in Genesis 1:28-29? Alone, man could not be fruitful, multiply and fill the earth. He could not subdue the whole earth and have dominion over all creation by himself. He certainly needed an equal, a partner, a helper who would complement him in fulfilling God’s command. Therefore, God caused the man to fall into deep sleep and took out his rib and formed Eve for Adam from the rib.
The woman’s role as a helper is not demeaning by any means, nor does it imply that woman is inferior to man. God created both male and female in his image (Genesis 1:27). The word helper as used of Eve in this passage is used for God in other portions of scripture (Exodus 18:4, Psalms 33:20, 46:1, Isaiah 41:10). Hence, how can a wife mirror God as a helper in marriage? The wife is to aid her husband in fulfilling the tasks God gave him. A wife provides fellowship and companionship to a man. She comes alongside her husband to multiply, be fruitful, and fill the earth (procreation, nurture, and care for creation). When Eve is presented to Adam, he says that she is “bone of my bone and flesh of my flesh” (Genesis 2:23). In other parts of scripture, flesh and bone is used as an expression of family relationships (Genesis 29:14, Judges 9:2, 2 Samuel 5:1, 19:12). A wife is there to help her husband meet his physical, relational and emotional needs.
Submission
Wives, submit to your husbands as is fitting in the Lord.
Colossians 3:18
The central command to wives in scripture is to submit to their husbands. God instructs wives to “be subject/submit to their husbands” (Ephesians 5:22-30, 1 Peter 3:1, Colossians 3:18). The submission of a wife to the husband means the husband holds a divine leadership role in the marriage. This is not a New Testament theory; we can trace husband headship since the creation of man (Genesis 2:8, 18-22, 1 Timothy 2:13). Since the Fall, a wife’s submission to her husband is not natural to women; it requires work. In Genesis 3:16, as a result of sin, God curses the woman; that she will seek to rule and not submit to her husband. The woman will want control, which is a phenomenon evident even today. It is no wonder Paul instructs Timothy on women learning quietly with all submissiveness. (1 Timothy 2:11-12). Often, submission is equated to inferiority and inequality, but that’s not what God says it is. In John 6:38, Philippians 2:5-8 and many other passages throughout scripture, we see how Christ submitted to God’s authority. If being submissive means being inferior, then Christ, in being submissive to the authority of God the Father, would be inferior to God. But we know this is not true. Jesus makes it clear that him and the Father are both equally God. He adds thathe and the Father are one (John 10:30). They are equal in nature but with differing roles. So it is with husband and wife in marriage, different roles but equally bearing God’s image and are loved by God (Genesis 1:27, Galatians 3:28).
So, how does a wife imitate Christ as she submits to her husband? Well, we must first remember that he submitted willingly. Before entering a marriage covenant with a man, ask yourself, are you willing to submit to his authority? If you are already married, are you willingly submitting to your husband’s leadership? Submissiveness requires a wife to view her husband as the leader of their home. Submission is not slavery. It is a joyful response to his headship. What does the submission of a wife look like in marriage? John Piper defines a wife’s submission in this way, “As a new creation in Christ, under his supreme Lordship, a Christian wife’s submission to her husband is an intelligent, fearless, joyful disposition to affirm, receive, and nurture the strength and leadership of her husband.” Let’s try and break this down a little.
To Whom is The Woman to Submit?
God instructs a wife to submit to her own husband; not all men but her own, the man she has chosen to commit her life to. This also reminds us that God does not support polygamous marriages. God designed marriage for one man and one woman (1 Corinthians 7:2).
Why Should The Wife Submit?
This is a question we hear quite often today with the rise of feminism. Thank God that his word is not silent about the why; therefore, we are without excuse. Firstly, a wife should submit to her own husband because it is fitting to the Lord (Colossians 3:18). We are to live in God’s will to glorify him. His word reveals his will and requires us to live in obedience to it. A wife’s willfulness and joy in submitting to her husband is obedience to the Lord. It reflects her devotion not only to her husband but to her LORD. Her joyful submission is also a reflection of a secure identity in Christ. Secondly, a wife must submit to her husband because God divinely appointed the husband to hold the leadership position in marriage (Galatians 3:26-29). We are all sons of God (men and women alike). The husband is the head of the wife, as Christ is the head of the Church (Ephesians 5:23).
How The Wife Should Submit
Submission may look different for different marriages, but its purpose is constant: to glorify God. First, a wife should submit in a manner fitting to the Lord. The assumption is that the wife has a relationship with the Lord (belongs to Christ). A woman needs to understand that her husband’s headship does not replace Christ’s; thus, she is never to submit to sin (Acts 5:29). Our culture today has tried to fight against the headship of a man over his wife, yet scripture teaches this right from the beginning (Genesis 2:20-24). When we try to take away the authority of a man over his wife, we take away submission as well. However, God gives basic principles we must aim at regardless.
A woman’s submission to her husband stems from her devotion to Christ. Her submission does not replace the Lord’s place in her life, nor is it equivalent to her submission to the Lord. Her submission should come from a sincere heart (Ephesians 6:5). It is to be done joyfully, in humility and in love, for the Lord and her husband. Submission should be ingrained in a woman’s character, which is influenced by her putting on Christ (Romans 13:14). Even when her husband’s character is questionable, or he is an unbeliever, the woman is still commanded to be subject to her husband so that he may be won over, without a word, through her respect and pure conduct towards him (1 Peter 3:1-2). A wife submits to her husband as the Church submits to Christ. How does the Church submit to Christ? The Church submits with fidelity, in humility, wholly and willfully. In the same way, a wife should submit to her husband.
For many wives, submission is an uphill climb, as it should be for us fallen beings. It is not a strange thing to hear women speaking ill of the whole concept of submission. However, for the wife that looks to Christ, all is not lost. We have help. What we must do is fix our gaze on our Saviour Jesus all the more. Search the scriptures while actively living out the commands therein. Only in this way will our marriages mirror the Gospel we love and cherish.
