In a previous blog, we saw how the wife is to be subject to her husband as the LORD has willed for her. What of the husband, then? We already know that the husband is the head of the home, even when he is heathen, and the wife is a believer (1 Peter 3:1). The Greek cultural ethics also acknowledged the created order regarding the man’s responsibility to lead both his wife and children. However, having the man as a leader, if rightly viewed, doesn’t give the man permission to take advantage of or subdue his family. Paul and Peter flipped this around by showing how wives have a considerable role and that the husband should acknowledge the same (Colossians 3:19, 1 Peter 3:7).
To prove the significance of the role of husbands, statistics show that most homes without fathers, or even if the present they take a backseat to the mother, are among the most dysfunctional families. For this reason, in their leadership role, men are to provide, protect, preserve, and offer guidance to the people they cherish the most. Sadly, hookup culture, pornography, and homosexuality have corrupted the men of today such that they have mostly lost their sense of purpose. Taking men back to the Biblical design is therefore crucial. In the following paragraphs, we will delve into a few critical components of men’s roles according to Ephesians 5:25-33.
Love Your Wife
Men must marry as that has also been lost, and after that, as Paul describes in Ephesians 5:25-33, which will be my proof text, they are to love their wives. In as much as men are called to be leaders, their primary responsibility is to love their wives (Ecclesiastes 9:9). This isn’t just love, the emotion, but love like Christ’s, which is an action-oriented love (1 Corinthians 13:1-8). In loving their wives, men must be unreserved, selfless, and sacrificial like Christ was to the Church. If men love their wives well, they will lead them well (1 Peter 3:7). They will rejoice with their wives when they speak the truth and correct or admonish if they fall into sin (Ephesians 4:25). Men who genuinely love their wives will be most especially patient with them and live out all the characteristics of love as stipulated in 1 Corinthians 13:4-8. The following are two ways men can show that they love their wives.
1. Care for Her Well-being
If men were to really show love to their wives, they would care for their well-being. In Paul’s day, this wasn’t emphasised because love in the sense we now know of it was essentially a Christian concept. Back in the day, men married for many reasons other than love. Some married to facilitate peace treaties, to have children so as to improve their standing in society, to please their parents, to hide homosexual or adulterous relationships or maybe because the woman happened to get pregnant, but never really out of love. Generally, this would mean that the men didn’t really care for the women’s well-being unless they wanted them to bear children or for any other selfish reasons. However, Paul introduced a different approach to those already married in the LORD and those who got married for one of the reasons mentioned earlier. It doesn’t matter why one got married; what matters is for the men to love their wives as Christ loved the Church (Ephesians 5:25).
2. Give Yourself Up for Her
Christ not only loved the Church, but he also gave himself up for her. He gave everything he had, including his own life, for the sake of the Church (Romans 5:8). That is what the husband is called to do by God. Even though the woman was created for the man’s sake, he must treat his wife as his glory (1 Corinthians 11:7-9). He must consider his wife as the radiance of his glory the same way God considers Christ as his radiance (Hebrews 1:3). Despite her imperfections, it is crucial to consider how beautiful and precious your wife is, the same way Christ does the Church.
In Ephesians 5:26-27, Paul confirms that the outcome of the husband’s love for his wife is similar to what Christ gains from loving the Church. The implication isn’t that the husband sanctifies the wife as only Christ, through the Holy Spirit, can do that (Romans 15:16, 1 Corinthians 1:2, 1 Peter 1:2). The same can be applied to the cleansing of her sins by the washing of water with the word. Christ is showing that by sacrificially loving the Church and ensuring her holiness by the agency of the word of God, he is making her into a gorgeous bride in preparation for the glorious destiny with him (Jude 24-25, Revelation 19:7-9). The husband is also called to have this type of love. He should have a purifying love that seeks to satisfy her needs while simultaneously rooting for their growth and development for the glory of God.
Prophet, Priest and King
In the same way, Christ fulfils all three roles of the prophet, priest, and king (Acts 3:17-23, Hebrews 1:1-2, Hebrews 4:14-16, Matthew 22:18, Revelation 19:16); husbands should seek to do the same. They should joyously declare the word of God to their wives and strive to live it out with them. For a husband who loves his wife, his desire should be to see her cleansed from sin and evil, so seeing anything inherently sinful in his wife should be of enormous concern to Him. Because his desire for her is to be perfectly conformed to Christ, he will not only do what a priest does, praying for her purity, but he will also do what a king does, leading her to purity.
Love Her as much as You Love Yourself
Paul adds that the husband should consider the wife part of his body, as the Church is one in Christ. The husband should encourage this same oneness in his marriage. That same devotion we all have when caring for ourselves is what husbands should have when caring for their wives. If anything, as we see from Ephesians 5:25-28, husbands should actually be quicker in caring for their wives than caring for themselves. A husband should be ready to give himself up for his wife’s sake. Husbands loving their wives in the same manner, if not more than they love themselves, can be very rewarding to them. Loving your wife well can bring great blessings from both her and the LORD (reverse of 1 Peter 3:7). In this way, husbands get to love their wives and, in turn, themselves.
Nourish and Cherish Her
Since husbands are called to love their wives as much as they love themselves, godly husbands wouldn’t even consider neglecting their flesh, a part of which their wives are. Husbands can show care for their wives by nourishing and cherishing them as Christ does the Church. Practically, this involves giving her all she needs to mature in Christ (nourish) while at the same time giving her comfort and security by offering warm and tender affection (cherish). Christ considers his Church inseparable from him (John 6:37) in the same way husbands should consider their wives in the LORD. Husbands should also understand that not caring for their wives would diminish their (husbands) glory (1 Peter 3:7, 1 Corinthians 11:7-9).
The Revealed Mystery
In Ephesians 5:31, when Paul quoted Genesis 2:24, he showed and reinforced the divine plan for marriage instituted by God during Creation. He emphasised its permanence and the fact that despite the fall, this plan remained intact (Ephesians 5:31). The union between man and wife is both intimate and sacred because it points to an even greater union. Marriages, primarily Christian marriages, reflect the beautiful, magnificent mystery of our union to Christ. How glorious!
In summary, husbands must emulate Christ to love their wives right. The only way to figure out the puzzle of marriage is to seek wisdom from its designer, God, through his word. In doing this, we will be able to live out our God-given role much more joyfully and to the glory of our God.
