Self-control is a hard virtue to come by. Children often show a lack of it by getting angry when told to eat or wear a sweater. Youth often show their lack of self-control by becoming angry and saying something harsh to another person, and so on.
In addition to anger, being rid of self-control will also be evident through anxiety, fear, worry, unwise spending, alcohol, drugs, and a host of other things. Everyone struggles with being self-controlled, and there are three primary responses to this struggle: The first is apathy, which is excusing one’s actions by arguing that nobody is perfect after all. The second is self-discipline: “I must work harder and strive to be self-controlled.” The third is anxiety: “I am just the worst person and can never be self-controlled.”
But instead of reacting with apathy, self-discipline, or anxiety, we should respond with faith in accordance with the teachings of Scripture about self-control.
Importance of Self-Control
Proverbs 25:28 is an excellent scripture on self-control. It states that “a man without self-control is like a city broken into and left without walls.” In ancient times, walls were essential in keeping out thieves who otherwise would have robbed a city. Strong walls succeeded in doing this, but weak, broken-down walls allowed evil men easy access.
Our evil desires, whether lust, envy, greed, covetousness, or jealousy, are like thieves who exploit weak walls. To keep them at bay, we need strong walls, meaning we need to be self-controlled.
The Bible is replete with examples of men who struggled with being self-controlled to varying degrees. The Roman leader Felix, for example, is a classic case of an utter failure at being self-controlled. When Paul began talking about self-control and judgement, he told Paul to go away (Acts 24:25). History teaches us that Felix wooed Drusilla away from her former husband, King Azizus of Emesa. He also desired a bribe from Paul, so he would call him often to talk with him (Acts 24:26). Moreover, Felix seemed to struggle with deciding whether or not to judge Paul, leaving him imprisoned for two years until Porcius Festus took over (Acts 24:27).
Felix lacked self-control in his relationships, in his handling of money, and in his decision-making. He is a warning to us, showing just how low we can stoop if we do not take the fight seriously.
But it isn’t only the heathen whom the Scriptures employ in warning and instructing us. There were the Ephesian women who were not quite as self-controlled in the way they dressed (1 Timothy 2:9, 2 Timothy 3:1-5). The Corinthians struggled to control their sexual desires (1 Corinthians 9:25, 10:8). The Cretans struggled with being lazy and gluttonous (Titus 1:12-13). And Timothy struggled to control his fears and anxiety (2 Timothy 1:7-8).
Root of the Struggle
Why is lack of self-control such a prevailing struggle? In 2 Timothy 3:1-5, Paul explains that in these last days, people will be lovers of self; they will love money, hate what is good, and love pleasure as opposed to God.
It is man’s age-old opposition to God that is the issue. Yet, for Christians, there is hope that they can genuinely love God (Psalm 42:1, 73:25; Luke 10:27) and thus be self-controlled. Our love for God is rooted in the fact that he first loved us (1 John 4:19). And because we love him, we will obey his commands (John 14:15), keeping us from such vices as sex before marriage (1 Corinthians 7:9), laziness (1 Timothy 5:8, Proverbs 10:4-5), and gluttony (Proverbs 23:19-21). If we love God, we will not love the world or the things of this world (1 John 2:15), which is a necessary armour in battling poor spending habits.
Furthermore, those who love God will also love others (Matthew 22:37-39, 1 John 3:14), assuring them of victory against pride, arrogance, abusive utterance, disobedience to parents, ungratefulness, unholyness, heartlessness, being unappeasable, slander, brutality, not loving good, being treacherous, recklessness, and being swollen with conceit (2 Timothy 3:2-4).
Gaining Self-Control
How can we grow in self-control?
- Pray for Self-Control – One way is to pray and ask God to help you love him more. In our carnality, we tend to love ourselves, money, evil things, and pleasure more than we love God. Ask the Lord for his grace to empower you to obey his commandments (Matthew 22:37; Titus 2:11-12). Then, believe in faith that he will answer your prayers and strengthen you with self-control.
- Walk in the Spirit – Galatians 5:22-23 teaches us that the fruit of the Spirit includes self-control. In verse 16 of the same chapter, we are instructed to walk by the Spirit and not to gratify the desires of the flesh. So, naturally, if we walk by the Spirit, we increase in self-control. How, then, are we to walk by the Spirit? By spending time in the word (Ephesians 5:18-21, Colossians 3:16), believing in faith that God is who he says he is, and trusting that he will give us the power and grace through his Holy Spirit to live a truly self-controlled life.
- Focusing on Heavenly things – Paul encourages the Corinthians to exercise self-control by focusing on the imperishable reward kept in heaven for them (1 Corinthians 9:25). If we believe that heaven is a beautiful place where all our struggles will one day end and we will have an inheritance that will never spoil or fade (1 Peter 1:3-5), we will not all too easily fall for this life’s fleeting pleasures. Eternity is crucial in building up self-control in us.
- Marriage – Again, Paul counselled the Corinthians by telling them that whoever struggles with sexual desires should consider pursuing marriage to fight sin (1 Corinthians 7:5, 9). A practical thing like marriage must be pursued to strengthen one’s self-control. Employing this principle, one may find it needful to throw away a smartphone and get a talk and text-only phone, for example, in their fight against porn. We must always ask ourselves: What do I need to throw out? Whose contacts do I need to delete and block? What places do I need to stop going? Otherwise, we would not be able to live a self-controlled life.
Self-control helps you be more fruitful in your knowledge of Jesus (2 Peter 1:6-8), provides a rich entrance into the Kingdom of God (2 Peter 1:6-11), and makes us better witnesses for Christ (Titus 2:1-10). We as Christians should be marked by this fruit, leading us to be a more vital witness for our Lord and Savior, Jesus. Remember that God is faithful and will answer our prayers according to his will (1 John 5:14-15), and it is his will that we live self-controlled lives.
