One of the significant conversations surrounding marriage is about finances. Undeniably, many marriages and relationships are struggling on account of money. With the rise of girl-child ’empowerment’ and the many men struggling with finances, relationships are even more vulnerable. The ’empowerment’, however, is mainly measured on the yardstick of worldly wisdom and not authentic spirit-led empowerment. The empowered girl-child, in all her false glory, was never taught how to relate with a less empowered boy-child. The ‘forgotten’ boy-child then ends up struggling to lead the empowered woman according to the biblical design, especially on the financial front. This article will address the issue of finances in relationships through biblical lenses.
What the Bible says about Riches
The Bible views finances and material things as temporary and short-lived, as cited in Proverbs 23:4-5. Many quotes from the book of Proverbs show us the futility of pursuing riches as a primary goal in life as they are only temporal. Therefore, aligning our financial knowledge with godly values and eternal priorities is wise. Wealth should be viewed as a tool or means to a particular end, not an end itself. The glory of wealth fades, and it won’t save you from God’s judgment (James 1:9-11). The rich and the poor are partakers of God’s grace since God shows no favouritism (James 2:1-7). Knowing Christ should be of greater priority to us regardless of our economic status. Isn’t it wonderful to know that Christianity brings dignity, even to the materialistically poor? We are called to have eternity pasted on our eyeballs, not our economic status (James 1:12, Matthew 6:19-34).
The Problem of Valuing Money over People
The Bible cautions Christians against attaching too much value to material things to the point of forgetting God and other humans. We are to show respect to all, regardless of financial position. For example, the poor and the rich are partakers of the same grace. All have the call from God to take the gospel to all nations. All are being transformed into the likeness of Jesus Christ. The church of Christ must have no distinctions based on economic classes since Christ showed no partiality by his death on the cross.
In some cases, wealth may indicate hard work, intelligence, and the ability to make wise decisions in life. Some may be wealthy because they were born into rich families and enjoy ascribed honour, yet they are very unwise, lazy and abusive individuals. Wealth could also come from greed, dishonesty, and selfishness, as seen with many politicians. Our value of money over relationships could indicate other spiritual problems in our hearts.
Firstly, it could point to our partiality, whereby appearance is more important than character. Paul calls women, for instance, to adorn themselves with inward beauty that does not fade away (1 Peter 3:3-4). God chose David, though in the eyes of Samuel, others were preferable. He told Samuel that he does not see as man sees; man looks at the outward appearance, yet God looks at the heart (1 Samuel 16:7). Outward appearances can be very deceiving. At the same time, one may be adorned in sheep’s clothing while on the inside, they are wolves targeting the sheep (Matthew 7:15).
Secondly, it could be an escape route from our responsibility toward those who have less than we do. We want to be cared for and look up to those earning more than us since we cannot gain much from those earning less. This selfish attitude ignores a Christlike attitude toward others, as encouraged in Philippians 2:3-4. God’s word calls us to be good stewards of our resources and use them to transform the lives of others, including our spouses.
Thirdly, it could reflect that we don’t view others as humans who need love and fellowship due to their economic status. Sadly, we can invest in many areas and in many people outside our spheres of influence but despise a spouse, especially a husband, who earns less or struggles with finances.
Other wrong and unbiblical attitudes include using money to assert power and control over others, including our spouses. Such worldly attitudes should not be heard among believers. While we have the concept of the enslaved people and enslavers in the Bible, where appropriate, masters are reminded that they are under the lordship of Christ, who shows no favouritism and enslaved people are asked to submit as unto the Lord (Ephesians 6:5-9). All of us will be held accountable by God on the day of judgment.
The Wider Impact on Relationships
When we value money over the people around us, such as our spouses, it affects our spouses and even our children if they are involved. We fail to model Christlike attitudes in the children who are learning from us (Malachi 2:15). We lose families and relationships in pursuit of more wealth, and later in life, we discover that what we have matters less than what we lost. Many are held hostage in abusive marriages and relationships because of money. A lack of money or much of it does not guarantee a happy marriage. The Bible focuses on individual attitudes and life approaches, which are not attached to material things.
It is important to note that the biblical perspective is not a call for people to be lazy and not to put effort into meeting their daily needs (Proverbs 6:6-11). Paul calls Christians to lead a quiet life, mind their business and work with their hands so that they can win the respect of non-believers and not be dependent on anyone for their financial needs (1 Thessalonians 4:11). The deal breaker in a relationship should not be earning less than your partner. Instead, Christians, especially those in relationships, must prioritise hard work and rely on God to provide according to his will. We must never forget that there is more to life than having a big house, driving the latest car, and having a healthy financial portfolio.
