Oftentimes, we have a hard time saying that we’re sorry for something offensive that we’ve said or done. Sometimes, we have people in our lives whom we’ve never heard say sorry. It is for many reasons that people struggle to say sorry. Sometimes, it is the fear that the person who took offense might talk ill about us to others, saying, “They even admit they’ve done wrong; they apologized.” Or it might be for fear that someone, a relative especially, will go back years and dig up every offense we’ve ever committed, and saying sorry could easily add another bullet to their arsenal whenever you mess up again.
These struggles notwithstanding, is it necessary to apologize for an offense, especially if a Christian?
You Cannot Worship Otherwise
In Matthew 5:23-24, Jesus instructs that if you remember you’ve offended another person, be reconciled with them before you worship. In other words, don’t avoid conflict; go and admit you were wrong, and then the Lord will accept your worship. If we refuse to be reconciled with someone, our hearts will not be right with the person we’ve offended, and much less with God. We cannot worship God genuinely if we are unrepentant before others. There may be consequences for humbly accepting our faults before men, but it is far better to fall out of favor with man than with God.
Moreover, Scripture instructs us to strive for peace with everyone (Hebrews 12:14) and to be kind and tenderhearted towards one another (Ephesians 4:32). How are we to be obedient to these commands if we refuse to say that we’re sorry? Ephesians 4:1-3 implores all the more that we walk in a manner worthy of our calling by being humble, gentle, patient, bearing with one another in love, and eager to maintain the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace. To walk in a manner worthy of the gospel, saying sorry must be our response whenever we do wrong to others. It would never be easy for us to apologize unless we were humble, gentle, and motivated to pursue peace.
Be Sincere in Your Apology
Scripture tells us that we are to apologize to God whenever we sin by confessing our sins (1 John 1:9). Yet this apology would not be sincere if we skirted around the offense instead of taking full responsibility as was the case with Saul (1 Samuel 15:24-26). Rather than take responsibility, Saul offered an excuse for his actions, saying, “I feared the people and obeyed their voice” (1 Samuel 15:24). He had no genuine remorse, pleading with Samuel to “pardon my sin and return with me that I may bow before the Lord” (1 Samuel 15:25). He was essentially saying, “I don’t want to have any negative consequences for my sins, but I want credit for saying I’m sorry.” For that reason, God rejected Saul’s false apology (1 Samuel 15:28).
We, unlike Saul, should not hide behind excuses but take full responsibility for our actions. This will, in turn, empower us to move forward with integrity. An example of an apology would be, “I am sorry for ____. I have no excuse for what I’ve done. Please forgive me.” Whenever you genuinely say that you’re sorry, what you’re doing is being a peacemaker, which God blesses (Matthew 5:9). Still, James 3:18 says that a harvest of righteousness is sown by those who make peace. Seeing a harvest of righteousness and blessing from God are wonderful promises to hold onto whenever you’re fearful to say that you’re sorry. Having God’s blessing in your life because you were humble enough to apologize is far more valuable than maintaining an image or some semblance of respect as a “benefit” to not saying sorry.
“As Far As It Depends on You”
We sometimes see no value in saying sorry because we fear the other party might not forgive anyway. While it would be great if they forgave us and reconciled with us, we must acknowledge that their response is not something we can control. God does not hold you guilty if you’ve done everything you can to be reconciled to someone, yet they have not forgiven you. It says in Romans 12:18 that, “As far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all.” Your concern should be that you’ve done all you should to make peace with the party you’ve offended. If they withhold forgiveness, don’t avenge yourself, but leave the matter to God (Romans 12:19).
Your Apology as a Portrayal of the Gospel
If indeed seeking reconciliation with others is as crucial as Matthew 5:23-24 above shows (our worship is either accepted or rejected on account of it), it ought to be a Christian’s attitude to first seek reconciliation. God sets the example for us, sinless though he is.
In John 6:44, Jesus testifies that “no one comes to the Father unless the Father draws him.” In other words, God is the one who draws us to himself. He is the one who initiates reconciliation with us by drawing us to him. He demonstrated his love for us while we were still living in sin, sending his Son to die for us (Romans 5:8). We were the enemies of God (Romans 5:10) because of our sins and didn’t want to be reconciled to him, but he still sought us out. It is never that the lost seek after Christ, but Christ who seeks and saves the lost (Luke 19:10). The Father also seeks out people who will worship him in spirit and in truth (John 4:23).
Three parables in Luke 15 perfectly illustrate how God seeks out sinners to lead them to repentance and then celebrates that they’ve been reconciled to him: the parable of the lost sheep (Luke 15:3-7), the parable of the lost coin (Luke 15:8-10), and the parable of the prodigal son (Luke 15:11-32). In the parable of the prodigal son especially, the Father’s initiative is best demonstrated, as he sees his son from a long way off and runs after him (Luke 15:20). It was almost as if he had always been looking to be reconciled to his son (Luke 15:20). Indeed God is always looking to be reconciled with sinners like us, and this he showed best by sending Jesus to die on the cross for sinners (Romans 5:10-11, 2 Corinthians 5:18-19).
If we are God’s children, we will do our best to be at peace with all men (Romans 12:18). Your efforts at reconciliation offer a picture of true Christianity and of a God who reconciles sinners to himself.
The World Needs Your Gospel Witness
The benefits of saying you’re sorry far outweigh whatever fears you might have, and they’re experienced by more than just yourself. The world needs to see genuine Christians who will be humble enough to say they’re sorry and be reconciled to those they have wronged. It is through such that the world encounters the Savior. Jesus said that by how we love one another, the world knows we belong to him (John 13:34-35). Peter echoes him, urging that we keep our conduct honorable so that unbelievers may see our good deeds and glorify God with us (1 Peter 2:12). Writing to Titus (2:7-8), Paul furthers this exhortation, teaching that being a model of good works will keep opponents of the gospel from having anything evil to say about us.
Whatever it takes, it is clear that a true Christian will avail him/herself of every opportunity to let their light shine before others so that people may give glory to our Father who is in heaven (Matthew 5:16). Are you willing to let people see your Father in heaven and a Savior who reconciles sinners by the way that you live? If you are, simply show them by saying, “I’m sorry for what I’ve done; I have no excuse; please forgive me.” A soul just might be saved thanks to such a compelling witness to a gospel that saves and transforms. The world needs committed Christians to sincerely say sorry whenever they’re wrong.
