A Strange Date

Some radio presenters got sacked due to comments that were allegedly deemed as defaming to a certain extent. It was more than firing. The company involved lost some revenue sources courtesy of a pulling away by some supporters who demanded a retraction of sorts because of the comments made. Many thought that that conversation was abusive to the victim involved in the ordeal; there was an uproar. The snippet to the story is that sometimes last year, a lady met physically with a guy she had met online. They went into a private building- on the twelfth floor- and after some disagreement about (sexual advancement and engagement, the guy threw the lady off the building. That is a sad situation that calls us to ask ourselves the question, ‘Why?’.

Gender degradation means to put down, under-value or deem useless a person of the opposite sex (male or female) in a way that is not in line with the value God places on them. No level of degradation is to be accepted by anyone anywhere. The value of life is in God’s hands and not man. Genesis 1:26-27 tells us that we (all humanity) are created in the image and likeness of God. Psalm 139:14 tells us that we (whether saint or sinner) are fearfully and wonderfully made. 

With this, it is clear that of all the things God expects of us, honouring and placing value on others is of utmost importance. Love your neighbour as yourself (Matthew 22:39) is God’s golden rule. Let us explore the past events and see how marred with sin and imperfection the conclusions have been. I want us to explore the following aspects:

Love and Online dating pitfalls

We are not strangers to cyberbullying as a generation. We are the most connected generation ever since the history of humanity. I can be in the Bahamas or deep in the Amazon while sitting on my couch. Such is the vastness of the power of the internet. Over the years, we have seen cases of cyberbullying rising as men and women take advantage of each other sexually and, at worse gruesome abuses like human torcher, body part harvests and even cold-hearted murders.

Contrary to popular opinion, cyber sexual bullying is not a thing that happens to ladies alone. Men and young boys have also fallen prey to such ills. So why are online love and dating not always as promising as they look?

First of all, many predators tend to use this as a means of hiding their true identity and presenting themselves as Mr. or Mrs. love. No one would want you to know them as a rapist or abuser, regardless of gender. Online platforms provide more opportunities for people to lie and deceive others as they lure them into their traps. It is like a camouflaged leopard stalking for prey. Once in their zone, the results are futile and even deadly. 

God created us as social beings, and much as technology has vamped and bumped our perspectives on life, it can never replace the social aspect of our humanity. When we meet face to face, many things are exposed. Eye contact and body language have a way of selling out one’s hidden intentions. Be that as it may, I write to the believing mind as a way of urging spurring on to love and good deeds; keep away from online love. It is not always as genuine as it looks.

We must keep in mind several things scripture calls us to do for love and dating to launch out more healthily. First of all, the call for us to take heed and concentrate on our relationship with God. Paul told the Ephesus leaders in Acts 20 that they need to take heed to themselves before they get busy loving and caring for the flock. Hebrews 10:22-25 calls us to observe several things: a true heart in full assurance of faith. What I want in someone should be something I possess, or I am fighting hard to possess. We all need to pursue cleansing as we expect others to be washed. 

Secondly, we need to hold fast to our confession of hope. God is faithful to keep us safe; however, we need to hold fast to eternal hope (1 Timothy 6:12)- this is to mean that there is nothing, and no relationship that is more significant to you as a believer than the eternal life that we have and eventually will enjoy after death. 

Thirdly, we are to be keen on stirring others to love and good deeds. If I pursue this, I will not want to put another for whom Christ died into a situation that will not show love and good deeds. Finally, we need to keep in godly fellowship. Now, I know we have so-called Christian dating sites. I would urge you to avoid online dating and seek joy in meaningful actual relationship and trust, not your urges and instincts and feelings, but in God to provide a partner in due time.

Sexual Sin

1 Corinthians 6 tells us that sex is a sin against our bodies, making it different from any other sin. Circumstantially, we are vulnerable to a form of sexual misconduct in one way or the other. In word or deed, we participate in gross sexual misconduct, even if it is in the most basic way (to Jesus, it was as bad as lust in our hearts, Matthew 5:28). Whether we want to call it making out, sexting, petting, or what have you, there is no other synonym for sexual sin than that- sin. Fornication, licentiousness, adultery, rape, lust, homosexuality and sensuality are all sin.

For the man to lure the lady and force himself on her sexually; shows how far deep we have fallen in our respect of my introduction about the sanctity of genders. No man or woman is right in trying to lure or trick the opposite for sexual favours, especially if you are not married.

Scripture tells us that our bodies are not for sexual immorality (1 Cor. 6:13), and as such, anyone who wants to pursue this in the name is mistaken and misguided. But it should go for our believing ladies, that life does not consist of sexual pleasure or emotional satisfaction. Some men will come, even in the name f God, to lure you into situations and then take advantage of you. Do not be naïve in the name of love. 

Test every man who comes along your way with the Holy Spirit and the scripture you have in you. That is why fellowship is vital. In this journey, we are as strong as we are in the fellowship. Other sisters can keep us aware as they notice the men pursuing us. At times, in our infatuation, we overlook many things, and that is why we need godly sisters and brothers to help keep the third eye, as it were, open. Men also test women in fellowships. Your purity is at stake.

Men, we are custodians of the creation of God from Genesis 1-2. We have the mandate to tend and care for the creation, part of which are women. Keep in constant fellowship with other brothers as well. Remember that iron sharpens iron (Proverbs 27:17), and we, men, need to sharpen each other in our roles and conduct. 

Do not mislead a lady into sin or force her into it. Remember, you also have a sister, cousin, and a mother. Therefore, Paul would advise us in 1 Timothy 5:2 to honour older women as mothers and younger ones as our sisters. Be that as it may, no man or woman has the right whatsoever to force the other into any sexual situation, and when that happens, it must be stood against by the commandment of God in scripture.

Giving and receiving correction 

Paul says in Ephesians 4:15 that we need to learn how to speak the truth in love for us to grow into the fulness of Christ our head. Looking at this situation, I cannot help but urge on scriptural grounds to dare to receive it. God wants to correct the error, alright, but the way we do it also matters equally. Often, it is not the correction, but the how of the correction makes the difference. They may have, to some minds, come out as pro what the man had done (which I did not see as the case); however, they were citing real issues.

  1. Be careful who you meet. Not just for the woman, but everyone needs to be wary about the times we are in today. If you are not married to a person, they have no rights over you whatsoever. We have lots of wolves in sheepskin. I urge you, believing lady (for some may not receive truth), do not meet with men of whom you have no certainty. It is dangerous!

  2. Avoid secret meetings. Engage friends who know you and be as public as you can be. It is sad when a life is threatened and harmed. Hurting others cannot be qualified in any way. It is simply wrong and evil. However, we must take responsibility as well as far as our actions are concerned. The deceitfulness and sinfulness of the human is a matter way beyond our comprehension, and only God has the cure. Let us not call trouble by being incognito.

  3. Learn from the mistakes of others. Dwelling on the situation will not change things for the victim. What we need to do is to pray for her safety and salvation but also pick a lesson or two. Are there things we can avoid as men and women? Is there something we can apply in our lives and those around us? We have had men being harmed by women in the name of love and vice versa. It is not about genders as it about God’s heart being transgressed.

Employers, Employees and God

From a Biblical perspective, we must talk about the role of employees and employers (of course, because of Company agreements, terms, and conditions. In the event of a disagreement, quarrel or misconduct, Jesus gives us a route to follow in Matthew 18:15-17. Talk to the brother alone. If he refuses, call a witness or two. Should they hold their ground, call a wider leadership team. If he still refuses, do away with them. 

We can apply this as a baseline for conflict management in organizations. God expects employers to treat employees with utmost respect and honour, knowing that they also have a higher authority. But as t is, life on earth is not fair and therefore, some things do not happen at all.

Employees have their responsibilities to their bosses as well. Some codes of ethics must be adhered to in respect to terms and conditions of employment. We are called to submit and serve our employer as to the Lord (Ephesians 6:5-9, Colossians 3:22, 4:1, 1 Timothy 6:1-2, Titus 2:9 and 1 Peter 2:18). Whether or not the trio in view transgressed agreements is beyond my decision. Nevertheless, all of us as employees have the responsibility to be humble before our masters, just as God expects them to be humble towards us.

There are better ways to solve problems, and in this particular issue, the netizens have gone wild on the sucking of the three. There is reason to be angry because the company (allegedly) followed no due process but a response to some pressure from unknown quarters. The bottom line is, employer and employee are bound by contract and as such, channels and protocols provided need to be followed. Again, the lack of godliness in our hearts is evident as we see decisions made at times that are not in line with organizational disciplinary codes.

The end of the matter

What are we saying? That the incident in question is not to be approved in any way whatsoever. Throwing someone off a building because lust was not satisfied is brutal, unethical, and immoral. Men need to stop being brute in their actions, especially when they cannot have sexual matters go their way. Women also ought to be careful about the online dating craze and find the grace in their hearts to trust in God and grow in the wisdom and the fellowship of Christ-minded friends. 

Placing a high value on ourselves as God does is critical in gauging and sifting the kind of people we allow into our lives. Romance is not always a measure of kindness and love! Finally, employers and employees need to be mindful of their roles in the lives of each other and, as such, follow through with the guidelines provided with grace and humility. Christ is King over the men, women, employers and employees and one day; he shall render all the accounts settled.


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