I HATE MY FATHER…DEALING WITH THE GIVER

“What father among you, if his son asks for a fish, will instead of a fish give him a serpent; or if he asks for an egg, will give him a scorpion? If you then, who are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will the heavenly Father give the Holy Spirit to those who ask him!”

Previously I wrote to us about the father problem that we’re experiencing all around the world. Men and women have issues of fatherhood going on, and the pain is beyond what pen strokes can jot. It’s a Pandora’s box of sorts. But we must open this box, empty it and rise to be the fathers and mothers that God has designed us to be. We cannot sleep on it as outlets fathers have done and expect that a God-exalting, Christ-loving, Spirit-led generation will emerge! 

Father Type 1: THE GIVER

A father who was so busy at work and the only way they felt his presence was through the financial support they were receiving, though no relationship at all.

Maybe we need to start from the point where Jesus alludes to in verse above: If you then, who are evil, KNOW HOW TO GIVE GOOD GIFTS TO YOUR CHILDREN…’. I’m sure most of us will giggle here with dismissing attitude, “Pshhh! Ati know how to give?” Sounds like a bad joke in the middle of a serious blog, right? Well, Jesus thought so. Haha! But really, there’s a problem even on this ground. Giving good gifts is okay, but not just that. God has promised here to provide us with his Holy Spirit. The Holy Spirit is the one who seals our inheritance. He is the one who solidifies our relationship. Yes. Relationship. It is God’s highest give in His Son Jesus, through the Holy Spirit. Relationship. 

Some of our fathers have always been away. The only time you talk is when they’re shortly back home and want the remote or exams results and the School invoice for fees. Beyond that, there’s nothing. As a boy (sorry for bias), who taught you how to treat ladies, drive nails into wood, ride the bike, aim at birds, climb the trees and take foolish daring moves? Who gave you your first Gospel conversation, or regularly came to listen to your teachers’ cries at school during Parent-Teacher fellowships/ open days!? Who was it? You see, our fathers have failed in this one thing: they think or thought that provision only meant money and basic needs. Well, the most basic need anyone in this world has is to have a functioning relationship with his father. 

The basic need for a functioning relationship with a father cuts across both ladies and gentlemen. Who taught ladies how to love yourself? How to seat up when wearing skirts or acknowledge your first ever lipstick mess! Who showed protection against wrong friends and funny looking boys? Who explained that women are virtuous and worthy of honor? How did he treat your mother? Did you watch him leave money but never saw him shown affection to your mother? All this works at driving us out of control when our days come. Friends, money never grew a relationship. Presence build relationships! 

Some of our fathers have been the most selfish and stingy souls we’ve ever met on earth. They never gave something without a complaint. Ever said they didn’t have money. They pointed to the mothers as sources of failure and reason for family trouble. We see the picture of the failed man in Garden of Eden where Adam shifted blame. He was to be there and protect the wife. He was to express his affection by defending and showing rue woman that having the garden wasn’t enough. Having her and the garden was the real deal. 

Many of us right can see the effects of a lack of relationship with our fathers. We enjoyed the gifts. The movies (many of which have now left you in deep addictions) — the pocket money for playing PSP, PS4, and Xbox. But look at how you’re hurting now! See the emptiness of money in your life. Money never built a relationship. While you’re young and naïve, the gifts and gadgets and money seem cool. But when you’re all grown, you realize that it wasn’t enough. You needed a relationship. 

You have a chance today. As a young man or woman, the call for us is clear. We have a Father in heaven who knows how to do much more than what our earthly fathers have given. He doesn’t just want to provide you with goodies, so then he digresses your attention. He wants to offer you with Himself, so then you can know genuine affection. It is true- you can never give what you don’t have. If you had a failed father like this one, it’s time to reach out to the heavenly Father. He will give you a relationship so that one day when you’re a father, you’ll know how to give your children more than good gifts. You’ll provide them with a relationship. If you’re a wife to a husband, remind them that children want more than just rewards. They want a relationship. Ask him to shift paradigms. Let us shift paradigms. It’s time to change and heal from past wounds. The Lord, our God, knows how to bind our wounds and make us whole again. Just because he failed doesn’t mean I should replicate the disaster. 

That’s just the first type of a father. Wait for the next remedy!

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