Who decides how far the horizon is going to be? Who says how the carve will look like? In my wonderings, I have also noticed that there is no one who ever overtakes the horizons! Why? Because the horizon is a function of my mind and eyes, I wish I can see beyond far but my limitedness does not allow me to. Chasing after the horizon can be futile especially when my chasing is a matter of the personal will or mere human guts! There is a difference between faith and guts: both have a promise at the end and both have rewards… but what promise and rewards are they? Well, guts will make a man promise a woman the moon, guts make us dare things, but only for some time. Faith, on the other hand, has a reward as well, the reward is not because my calendar seemed full of ticks at the end of the year, but because I rested constantly in the arms of the one who gives me faith.
What am I saying? There is no way, as I look towards the horizons, that my heart can find fully and immediately all that I hope for because the horizon is a progressive yet endless end and what matters is what happens in between my current location on the map and the destination.
Back to more constructive sentences! So it has bothered me for some time now why I constantly have a feeling of despair yet I am pursuing the promise of the horizon in the hands of the creator of the horizon perspective- God! I wish that God would just land me on the horizon line and people would see me as part of the horizon- well accomplished and seated on top of it all. Sometimes I question my heart in regards to the meaning of a journey that seems to have more questions and unlabelled streets and routes. Why do I not seem to be getting closer to the horizons? When will I ever get there? Lord, will I ever know the meaning of having all the promises of your endless horizon of love? The heights, depths, waves, beauties, chills, colours etc. Will I ever know you in the fullness of these ways in this life? I hope so!
The psalmist, when his mind couldn’t make out all these realities of a horizon that has thousands of promises and unspeakable hope, bursts into a monologue: “Why are you cast down, O my soul? Hope in your God.” So hope I hope but still…After my struggles, a truth seems to be coming slowly, creeping in at the back of my mind saying, “You are not the focal point of the horizon promise.” This is painfully liberating! Yes! Of course I want to be the centre of it all; I want things to go the way I want; I want people to look at me and marvel; I want to laugh at life with a jest of sorts because I feel or I actually am well accomplished in my journey. But I am not the point of anything. And when my short life stops, the promise of the horizon will awake in the hearts of the many who will be responding to the clarion call of Christ, ‘come to me all you who are weary and I will {show you the promise of my great horizon and allow you to come as close to it as I want you to} give you rest!’ So I am learning to look the eternal horizon of life more objectively. I want to go back to coast and re-live the freshness of the promises of the literal Kenyan horizons. I want to see it in the city and in the deserts. But I want more than these fading horizons’ promise. I want to be with the Christ who is at the centre of the horizon and makes all the promises of his horizon yes and amen. I want to trust him more objectively and foolishly till he lands me safe on Canaan land. With realization, I want to start thinking swiftly about the way in between my current location in this horizon journey and the destination- what are the small horizons I need to cherish now that build up to the bigger picture?
Well, I guess we will have to wait and see in the 4th series of this horizon journey.
Grace and peace.
